Funny Father's Day Quotes Sayings Images Pictures Photos
Posted
5/15/2021
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2024-07-13T01:05:03Z
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Are you looking for funny fathers day quotes? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny fathers day quotes images and happy fathers day images pictures photos.
“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” — Tim Russert
“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” – Jim Gaffigan
“I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” – Will Arnett
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” — Charles Wadsworth
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24—36 hours.” – Conan O’Brien
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
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“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” — Mark Twain
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan
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“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” — Steve Martin
“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin Manuel Miranda
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“Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I've come across at this point in my life. It is truly one of life's most satisfying moments.” — Brad Pitt
“The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid—but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time.” – Matt Damon
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“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’” — Jerry Lewis
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“I would rather drink a piping hot bowl of liquid rabies than get on a plane with my two children. At two years old they just have to rip all their clothes off and introduce themselves to everyone on the plane. It’s just like, ‘Please can we land in a farmer’s field?’” – Ryan Reynolds
“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ (I hadn't met my daughter yet.)” – Dax Shepard
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“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” — Dave Attell
“Whenever one of my children says, ‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ I always think to myself, ‘You don't mean that.’“ – Jim Gaffigan
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“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry
“My daughter got me a 'World’s Best Dad' mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” – Bob Odenkirk
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“My 4-year-old son gave me a hand made card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” — Jim Gaffigan
“How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?” – Taye Diggs
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“Even though I'm proud my dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.” — Stewart Francis
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting daddy’s freedom.” — Ryan Reynolds
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“I feel like the success of parenthood is feeling like I failed all day today, but I get to wake up tomorrow and do it again and hopefully they turn out to be a good human being.”—Justin Timberlake
It is a wise father that knows his own child.- Shakespeare
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I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry Truman
No one in this world can love a girl more than her father. - Michael Ratnadeepak
“Dads are like chocolate chip cookies; they may have chips or be totally nutty, but they are sweet and make the world a better place, especially for their children.” —Hillary Lytle
“A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.” —Paul Lewis
“[Fatherhood is] the greatest thing that could ever happen. You can’t explain it until it happens; it’s like telling somebody what water feels like before they’ve ever swam in it.” —Michael Bublé
“My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.” —Clarence Budington Kelland
“My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” —Spike Milligan
When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape. Dave Attell
On the perfect Father’s Day. There would be just Dad, wearing his oldest surviving undershorts, free of pressure, maybe just sitting in front of the TV, watching the NBA finals. There would be no conversation, other than Dad periodically observing that these players today could carry the ball across Montana and never get called for traveling. Of course, that’s not all. You’d also make a restaurant reservation, and at the end of the day, you’d dress up and go out and have a nice dinner, during which you’d propose a toast to Dad, who would be back home, in front of the TV, happily asleep in his veteran underwear. - Dave Barry
Every father is the architect of his home life. - Reed Markham
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield
“You gotta love dads. At my wedding, when I tripped on my wedding dress and fell flat on my face, Dad said, “Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.”” —Melanie White
My father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future. - Liza Minnelli
It’s only when you grow up and step back from him–or leave him for your own home–it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.- Margaret Truman
A girl’s first true love is her father. -Marisol Santiago
A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead, he picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.
“Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” —Al Unser
“A good father is one whose only reason for putting down a laughing baby is to pick up a crying one.” —Linda Poindexter
“A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.” —Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business. - Jimmy Fallon
My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic. - Bob Odenkirk
You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.- Jerry Seinfeld
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.- John Stewart
“A father is a banker provided by nature.” —French proverb
“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” —Frank A. Clark
“You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.” —Robert Frost
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” —Charles Wadworth
“Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.” —Reed Markham
“I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.” —Mario Cuomo
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inspirational fathers day quotes
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell
Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive. - Rodney Dangerfield
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. -Clarence Darrow
Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. Ray Romano
I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother. Rita Rudner
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