Are you looking for halloween quotes funny? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny halloween quotes, funny halloween quotes sayings and Don’t forget to read Halloween Quotes images
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I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?― Drew Carey
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Scaring men is easy.― Donna Macabre
Instead of buying a Halloween costume it was cheaper just to get a haircut at Great Clips.― Northside Hombre
Got home, opened the bedroom closet door and a nak#d guy shrieked at me. Wow, my wife has some pretty crazy Halloween pranks up her sleeve.― Brian Hope
A Fargo woman will give overweight trick-or-treaters warning letters, not candy. In other news, a woman's house will be egged by fat kids.― Julius Sharpe
Honey. I didn't *lose* our kid on Halloween, he just went as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and I can't know exactly where he is.― Earthman Adam
Last Halloween was bad for me. I got beat up. I went to a party dressed as a piñata.― Jim Samuels
I learned something the other day. I learned that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.― Bruce Clark
I love Halloween. It's the only night of the year I can wear a wedding dress without looking desperate.― Adam
Hair stylist: Gonna wear a costume for Halloween? Me: (Looking at my new haircut in the mirror) Probably something with a hood.― John Lyon
These masked trick-or-treaters must be confused. They're a day early, came in the back door, passed up the candy & took the big screen TV.― Just Bill
This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.― Conan O'Brien
Funny Halloween Quotes, Halloween is by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
Halloween is by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
Funny Halloween Quotes, Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. -Chris Rock
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.― Chris Rock
Funny Halloween Quotes, For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook. - Anonymous
For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook.― Anonymous
Funny Halloween Quotes, Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to. -Richard Harris
like ladies, never speak till spoke to.― Richard Harris
Funny Halloween Quotes, All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers, And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it, I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, 'Trick or treat'No thank you. - Rita runder
All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers, And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it, I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, 'Trick or treat'No thank you.― Rita runder
Funny Halloween Quotes, Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers". And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it". I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat". "No thank you". -Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers". And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it". I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat". "No thank you".― Rita Rudner
Funny Halloween Quotes, I put the costume on and said 'It's not very comfortable, but it looks amazing', so it's all good. - Chris Hemsworth
I put the costume on and said 'It's not very comfortable, but it looks amazing', so it's all good.― Chris Hemsworth
Funny Halloween Quotes, I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau
I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.― Henry David Thorea
Funny Halloween Quotes, I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. -Charles Swartz
I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.― Charles Swartz
Funny Halloween Quotes, It's Halloween and hopefully you people that partied last night didn't wake next to something scary this morning. - Anonymous
It's Halloween and hopefully you people that partied last night didn't wake next to something scary this morning.― Anonymous
Funny Halloween Quotes, On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.― Rodney Dangerfield
Funny Halloween Quotes, The older you get, the harder it is to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you. - Anonymous
The older you get, the harder it is to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.― Anonymous
Funny Halloween Quotes, The werewolf is neither man nor wolf, but a satanic creature with the worst qualities of both. -Warner Oland
The werewolf is neither man nor wolf, but a satanic creature with the worst qualities of both.― Warner Oland
Funny Halloween Quotes, There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. -Jean Baudrillard
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.― Jean Baudrillard
Funny Halloween Quotes, From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us! - Scottish Saying
Witch better have my candy!
I’m just here for the boos and snacks.
Costume? This is just how I look before coffee.
If you’ve got it, haunt it!
I don’t celebrate Halloween—I survive it!
That’s not a costume, that’s Monday face.
I came. I saw. I ate all the candy.
I tried to be a ghost but people kept seeing me.
Fangs for the memories, Halloween!
I put the ‘boo’ in bootylicious.
Being normal is vastly overrated—ask any witch.
My broomstick runs on coffee and sarcasm.
Don't be a scaredy-cat unless you're a real cat.
This costume brought to you by procrastination.
Too ghoul for school and too tired for tricks.
I'm the reason the candy bowl is empty.
I dressed up as myself—terrifying, right?
Fright now, I just want a nap and a chocolate bar.
I ghosted my responsibilities today—Happy Halloween!
I’m not lazy, I’m energy-efficient… like a mummy.
I came for the candy and stayed for the chaos.
I’m 100% that witch—with a pumpkin latte.
Creepin' it real since 1990-something.
If the broom fits, ride it.
I put a spell on my snacks so no one else eats them.
Warning: I'm wearing a costume that reflects my mood.
Current mood: Candy corn and no regrets.
I’m just here to avoid doing normal things.
Hocus pocus and caffeine focus.
Even my shadow is scared of me this Halloween.
I don’t need a costume, I scare myself in the mirror.
Boogeyman? Please, I pay rent and do taxes.
I put the “EEK!” in weekend.
My only trick is pretending I didn’t eat all the treats.
This Halloween, let’s pumpkin spice things up!
I’m not haunting you—I just like your candy stash.
Let’s carve out some time for snacks.
Zero tricks, infinite treats. That’s my energy.
I’m here to eat candy and cause mild panic.
If Halloween were a sport, I’d be in the candy Olympics.
I glow in the dark—thanks, screen time.
Being spooky is cheaper than therapy.
I came dressed as a tired adult. Nailed it.
I’ve got 99 problems and Halloween solved none of them.
This house runs on witchcraft and Wi-Fi.
Halloween: The only day pretending to be weird is totally normal.
I’m just a ghoul standing in front of a fridge asking for snacks.
Resting witch face activated.
I don’t do horror movies—I live one every Monday.
I scared myself by checking my bank account. Happy Halloween!
I’m like a ghost: mostly invisible and occasionally scream.
Zombie diet: Eat brains, avoid carbs.
I’m a pumpkin spice mess.
Boo who? Just me being dramatic again.
Let’s turn up the fright and dim the responsibilities.
I don’t need a haunted house—I’ve got student loans.
Fangs for everything, Halloween!
This vampire runs on red velvet cupcakes.
I witch you would bring snacks.
Can I get a pumpkin latte and a nap?
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a fang.
Can’t adult today. I'm trick-or-treating in my soul.
I dressed as a ghost just to disappear from drama.
I’m the ghost of leftover pizza—haunting the fridge daily.
Don’t hex me—I haven’t had candy yet.
I go batty without sugar. You’ve been warned.
I’m not ghosting you, I’m just overwhelmed by life.
I’m scream-ready at any time of the year.
Haunting people with awkward silence since birth.
I’m a snack. Mostly candy corn and sarcasm.
This face is scarier without makeup. True horror.
Skeletons have nothing to hide—but I do. Mostly snacks.
I’m fluent in ghost puns and bad decisions.
I’m the reason candy bowls need locks.
I told my diet to disappear like a ghost. It worked.
I’ve got a monster appetite and a goblin heart.
I don’t do tricks—I deliver awkward moments.
I’m the treat your parents warned you about.
I ran out of candy and patience. Happy Halloween!
I'm the Halloween vibe—spooky, sparkly, and slightly unhinged.
Feeling cute. Might cast a spell later.
I’m bat to the bone—literally. It’s cold outside.
Witch, please! You knew I’d show up fabulous.
I’m just winging it this Halloween—bat wings optional.
I never ghost people—I disappear with flair.
I haunt the kitchen looking for snacks at 2 AM.
I told the werewolf I already had enough drama.
I’m here to creep it real and eat chocolate.
This is my Halloween spirit animal: a tired cat in a hat.
I’m spook-tacular... until I need a nap.
Don’t follow me—I make poor Halloween choices.
I’m that candy wrapper you keep stepping on.
I’m 100% BOO-tiful and 0% responsible tonight.
I live for Halloween… and leftover candy sales.
More tricks, less drama. More candy, fewer bills.
I dressed up as a social butterfly. Still didn’t leave the house.
Witch goals: caffeine, costume, candy, repeat.
I’m a hot mess… with a cape.
When life gives you pumpkins, carve out some fun!
From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!― Scottish Saying
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