Are you looking for funny quotes about men? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny men quotes and friendship poems funny.
“Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?” It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.” » Sean Morey
“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all.” Funnypica.com
“If gay men could be reformed, I would never look at a heterosexual man again.”
“What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets to the World Series.”
“If it can’t be fixed by duct tape or WD-40, it’s a female problem.” » Jason Love
“Men aren’t the way they are because they want to drive women crazy, they’ve been trained to be that way for thousands of years. And that training makes it very difficult for men to be intimate.”
“A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.” » Mae West
“A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” » Saint Basil
funny quotes about men
“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.” » Max Muller
“If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.” » Rita Mae Brown
funny quotes about men
“A good man doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump, like a doughnut. So first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap they pick up from beer commercials. And then there’s my personal favorite…the male ego.”
“There are some men who, in a spirit of arrogance, think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. When they assert their superiority they demean her.” » Gordon B. Hinckley
funny quotes about men
“The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.” » Thomas Paine
“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.” » Ayn Rand
funny quotes about men
“When you see a woman who can go nowhere without a staff of admirers, it is not so much because they think she is beautiful, it is because she has told them they are handsome.” » Jean Giraudoux
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” » George Carlin”
funny men memes
“A lot of guys think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don’t think it works like that. I think it’s the opposite. I think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.” » Anita Wise
“When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.”
funny men memes
“It’s not the men in my life, it’s the life in my men. .” » Mae West
“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” » Lily Tomlin
funny men memes
“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.” » Elayne Boosie
“Men should be saying “I want to become a woman.” The world would be a far better place if more men wanted to become women, than women wanted to become men.”
“I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.”
funny men memes
“When I think of a merry, happy, free girl…and look at the ailing, aching state a wife is generally doomed to…which you can’t deny is the penalty of marriage.”
“I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side.” » Lenny Kravitz
“Most men act so tough and strong on the outside because on the inside, we are scared, weak and fragile. Men, not women, are the weaker sex.”
“God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.” » Robin Williams
“I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.”
“You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!.” » Bill Maher
“Women are never disarmed by compliments; men always are.” » Oscar Wilde
“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”
“After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things. First, never wallpaper together and second, you’ll need 2 bathrooms…both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.”
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” » Nelson Mandela
“Man came down from the tree, then he cut the tree down.”
“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” » Lana Turner
“Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too.” » Mignon McLaughlin
“God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.” » Jacques Deval
Men are like bank accounts, without money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
If women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t men belong in the garage with all the other tools?! (- :
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!
They say, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a Man healty, wealthy and wise”, Well I’m not too sure if its entirely true, because I have never seen a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, every Saturday he and his friends will load up beer and go fishing.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” ~ Oscar Wilde
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” ~ Albert Einstein
“Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.” ~ Kathy Lette
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” ~ Molly McGee
“Lord, lord, how subject we men are to this vice of lying.” ~ William Shakespeare
“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy… like nailing a jelly to a tree for example.” ~ Anonymous
“Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.” ~ Laura Swenson
“Man has will, but woman has her way.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they’ve had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.” ~ Anonymous
“Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.” ~ Lenny Bruce
“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” ~ Unknown
“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” ~ Anonymous
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ~ Anonymous
“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.” ~ Kathleen Mifsud
“There are two perfectly good men, one dead and the other unborn.” ~ Chinese Proverb
“Men should be like Kleenex; soft, strong and disposable.” ~ Unknown
“Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.” ~ Anonymous
It is said that behind every successful man there is a (surprised!) woman. Adding a hilarious touch to marriage can actually improve the togetherness quotient. Let’s take a look at some witty one liners about men and marriage.
“The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.” ~ Rita Rudner
“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” ~ Anonymous
“Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed.” ~ Oscar Wilde
“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse’.” ~ Unknown
“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” ~ Anonymous
“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.” ~ Jilly Cooper
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” ~ Roseanne Barr
“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” ~ Helen Rowland
“There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.” ~ Helen Rowland
“Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.” ~ Helen Rowland
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” ~ Woodrow Wyatt
“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” ~ Brendan Francis
“A man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in.” ~ Mae West
“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
“A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.” ~ Mae West
“It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.” ~ Helen Rowland
“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” ~ Unknown
“The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It’s the same with men.” ~ Lupe Velez
Hope you enjoyed these awesome funny quotes about men. Please Don’t forget to share funny men quotes to your Friends and family member and you might want to check out our list of inspirational quotes funny memes about life as well.
