Are you looking for funny quotes to friends? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of funny quotes to friends images memes and funny friendship poems.
If there was an award for laziness, I would probably send someone to pick it up for me.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, MY LEGS for always supporting me and my fingers because I know I can always count on them!
I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick their own food up if they drop it on the floor!
That moment when you check your phone to see what time it is and then you check it again because the first time you weren't paying attention.
I exercised once, but found out I was allergic to it, my skin flushed and my heart raced. i got sweaty and short of breath. very dangerous!
Ok.. The bills are washed The laundry is paid, Clothes are in the oven & The last load of dinner is in the dryer. It looks like i got my to—do list finished.
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable to all women.. So she turned him into a credit card!
Heck, yes I'm short. God only lets things grow until they are Perfect some of us didn't take as long as others!
I can't dance to save my life. but the moment I step in dog poop I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.
funny memes to send to friends
JUST BEFORE I Die, I am going to swallow a bag of POPCORN kernels.. my Cremation Is going to be epic.
Every guy thinks that every girls’ dream is to find the perfect guy... Please, Every girls’ dream is to eat without getting fat!
I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, & the wall gets in the way..
funny memes to send to friends
It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing... I have that skill.
Based on how i react when toast pops out of the toaster, i will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Chocolate comes from cocoa. which is a tree. That makes it a plant so chocolate is a salad
funny memes to send to friends
LIFE IS NOT A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. IT'S MORE LIKE A JAR OF JALAPENOS WHAT YOU DO TODAY CAN BURN YOUR A** TOMORROW!
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”― Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”― Anonymous
funny memes to send to friends
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”― Rodney Dangerfield
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”― Les Dawson
“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”― Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus
funny memes to send to friends
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”― Steven Wright
Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”― Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
funny memes to send to friends
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”― Joan Rivers
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”― Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
funny memes to send to friends
“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”
― Jimmy Kimmel
“Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”― Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
“Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”
― Lessons from the Minivan
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”― Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”
― Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club
“It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”― Four Weddings and a Funeral
“That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”― Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”― Jerry Seinfeld
“There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”
Fred: “Your feet?”― Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”― Anonymous
“If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.”― Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”― Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”― Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”― Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias
“I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”― Anonymous
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”― Graham Norton
“I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”― Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”― George Carlin
“When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”― Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”― Sir Norman Wisdom
“That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.”― Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
“Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.”― Adam Gropman
“Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?”― Neil DeGrasse Tyson
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”― Groucho Marx
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”― Jay Leno
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”― Steve Martin
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”― Dave Barry
“Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”― Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
“What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.”― Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”― George Burns
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”― Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
“Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”― Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny
“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”― Ellen DeGeneres
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”― Tina Fey, Bossypants
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”— Robin Williams
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
“I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
—Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”― Anonymous
—Bob Hope
“If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”― Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night
“I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”― Anonymous
Hope you enjoyed these awesome funny quotes to friends. Please Don’t forget to share funny quotes to friends memes to your Friends and family member and you might want to check out our list of funny inspirational quotes for friends as well.
