Collection of Funny Canadian Jokes

Funny Quotes

Posted 10/18/2016 Last Updated On: 2017-06-26T10:39:08Z

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Canadian humour mirrors the nature of this crisp, cool and beautiful country. Will and Guy have decided to include Canadian humour to balance our other funny pages which laugh at the Americans, Australians, Irish as well as the English

This is what Jeff Foxworthy (King of the Redneck jokes) had to say about Canadians at his recent appearance at Ceasars Windsor. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada.

You may also live in Canada if:

☤ If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there.

☤ If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.

☤ If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

☤ If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend.

☤ If you measure distance in hours.

☤ If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

☤ If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again.

☤ If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.

☤ If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your wife knows how to use them.

☤ If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

☤ If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km, you're going 95 and everybody is passing you.

☤ If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

☤ If you know all 4 seasons:

☤ If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

☤ If you find -2oF degrees 'a little chilly'.

Canadian Beer Funny Canadian Jokes

☤ A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

☤ His friend Arnie stops him and asks, 'Hey Bill, whatcha got that case of beer for?' ☤'Well, I got it for my wife, you see?' answers Bill.

You Might Be Canadian

➦ If Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

➦ You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

➦ You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don't miss Hockey Night.

➦ You can repeat the entire Molson's Canadian 'The Rant'.

➦ You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

➦ You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

➦ You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".

➦ You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.

➦ You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.

➦ You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.

➦ You think Great Big Sea isn't Atlantic-centric enough.

➦ You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.

➦ You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.

➦ You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada

➦ You love your fries with poutine

➦ You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards.

➦ You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).

➦ You substitute beer for water when cooking.

➦ You know what "Canuba" is.

➦ You think it's pretty damn funny.

➦ You know Casey and Finnegan are NOT a Celtic rock band or imported beer.

➦ You know who Foster Hewitt is.

➦ You pity people who haven't tasted a "beavertail".

➦ You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.

➦ You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

➦ You and your friends get together to play "Millie Bornes" You cried when you heard that "Mr Dress Up" died recently.

➦ You brag to Americans: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians.

➦ You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed"

➦ You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan"

➦ You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time

➦ You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

➦ You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

➦ You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.

➦ You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles a meat processing plant.

➦ You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

➦ You know which leaves make for good toilet paper. The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.

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