Dirty Jokes | Your Source For Dirty Jokes and Adult Humor!

Funny Quotes

Posted 10/19/2016 Last Updated On: 2017-02-08T17:35:09Z

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Dirty Jokes: A Massive collection of short, funny, filthy, dirty jokes! Not suitable for children.

What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.

Three words to ruin a man's ego...? "Is it in?"

Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.

But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better.

Why are women like KFC? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they're 100% off,

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

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