Edinburgh Fringe Jokes: The
Edinburgh Fringe is drawing to a close after three weeks of top notch
comedy and a lot of hard work from some of the country’s best stand-ups. But with so many events and so much to see, it would be impossible to watch every act.
Have no fear! We’ve rounded up some of the
best jokes we could find to bring you
Edinburgh’s finest funnies
1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart." Masai Graham
2. "Why is it old people say 'there's no place like home' yet when you put them in one...?" Stuart Mitchell
3. "I've been happily married for four years – out of a total of ten." Mark Watson
4. "Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed, which is mad because those places are really well lit." Mark Smith
5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh, I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer. Came second." Will Duggan
6. "Brexit is a terrible name - sounds like cereal you eat when you're constipated." Tiff Stevenson
7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words." Gary Delaney
8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor." Adele Cliff
9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" Annie McGrath
10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask." Jordan Brookes
11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first." Michelle Wolf
12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound." Roger Swift
13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer." Arthur Smith
14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God: contact lenses." Zoe Lyons
15 "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word." Phil Nicol
16 My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.
17 Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one...
18 I’ve been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10.
19 Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed, which is mad because those places are really well lit.
Mark Smith
20 I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer... came second.
21 Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.
22 I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.
23 Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.
24 Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?
25 Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.
26 Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.
27 I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.
28 Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.
29 I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.
30 Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.
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Funniest one-liners from Edinburgh Fringe festival to your Friends and family member.
