Are you looking for funny new year quotes? then you are at the right place. We have come up with a handpicked collection of new year funny quotes and happy valentines day images. New Year's can be a stressful time of year, but that's nothing a little humor can't fix. These funny New Year's quotes will do the trick!
New Year’s is the time to forget all your fears, drink a few beers, leave behind all your tears!
New years are like restart buttons. You think you can push the button and start things all over again but then realize your life is too messed up to be restarted fresh!
Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did throughout the year. May you give me another chance to do that in the next New Year!
A new year doesn’t come to change your life. It comes to remind you that one more year has gone and you’re still the same useless moron who thinks he can make his resolutions come true!
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.”
This New Year’s I was going to make a resolution never to be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2.
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.
New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
I hope you start the New Year as the startup of your old habits. Have the same old beautiful life in a box of New Year!
I would quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
I hope growing up is not included in your resolution this year. Let’s just live it like the old ones and we can grow up in some other years. Happy new year
funny new year quotes
"I’m so excited to make new plans and new memories with you. Let’s make this year as good as the last one."
"I wish you end up fighting less with your partner over TV remote this New Year"!
funny new year quotes
"This time of year offers us a brand new start. I want to take this opportunity to start fresh with you and wish you love and peace in the new year."
"Every year we make resolutions and we vow to keep them. This year, my only resolution is to keep spending time with you."
funny new year quotes
"May this New Year bring actual change in you, not recurrence of old habits in a new package!"
"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions ."
"It’s time to start the new year. Let’s chill some champagne, whip up some party food, and start dancing the year away."
funny new year quotes
No resolution for the New Year, as I like my love in the state it is- criticizing and annoying you will go on the high range!
May this upcoming year actually bring change in you – not just all your old habits wrapped in a new package, Oh God! Happy New year, anyways.
funny new year quotes
So excited for you guys to ruin another year of your life. Have a merry and Happy New Year.
I wish even your success amount comes on my account and the right hands can spend them this upcoming year. Happy New Year.
Happy new year! This year may finally realize that real fun in life comes from real people, not from the virtual ones. Have a great year!
funny new year quotes
May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.
If all the heartbreaks and troubles from the last year didn’t make you strong, let me wish one more year full of agony and tears. I really want you to be stronger. Happy new year!
Happy New Year from someone adorable, handsome, intelligent, and wants to see you smiling always.
Here’s a new year wish from a wise fellow asking you to donate more of your wealth so they can be spent by the right hands. Happy new year!
Though I am wishing a very happy New Year, but remember you still have the same old husband!
I hope you make a revolution of losing 20 pounds in the coming year and gain 30 pounds more instead. Wish you a New Year full of positivity!
funny new year quotes
Happy new year! How’d it be if instead of bringing happiness, joy, and peace, new year’s brought cash, fame and champagne?
May this New Year bring you more problems, more tears, and more pains. Don’t get me wrong. I just want you to be a stronger person.
It’s a new year once again and it’s the same old life you’re living once again. What is there to celebrate?
Happy New Year! It is midnight already, and you are getting old – just go to sleep!
New years are like pages in a book that’s so boring. You always think that the next page will be interesting, but it turns out to be the same every time. Happy new year!
funny new year quotes
I’m so excited for the new year. Unfortunately, I don’t have any resolutions to make since I’m already perfect.
Life is short and every new year makes it even shorter. Happy new year! You just waved goodbye to one more year of your short life!
Take care how you meet and greet with people this New Year since broken spirits have no available spare parts!”
“This New Year I’m on a look out for a bank that would give me a big loan and then forget me forever. “
“I envy the mosquitoes since they can spend the midnight hour with you and kiss you as the clock strikes New Year.”
new year funny quotes
“This New Year, may you handle yourself with your brains, but comfort others with your heart.”
“This New Year, may you be Saved by many friends who Enter your life to Delete all your Errors.”
“After making careful judgment, a brand New Year contract has been drafted for you – make sure to take full responsibility before you leap in.”
“New Year Resolution: tolerate friends and family with extreme care even when they burn down your privacy!”
“I pledge that I shall not spend my New Year’s Day glues to my computers in my pajamas – I plan to dress up for my computer!”
“This New Year, be at peace with your appearance, you are perfectly in shape – round is a shape in geometry!”
new year funny quotes
“As people remind you to make resolution about self assessment and correction, give the same time and dedication to your house too!”
“May this New Year bring actual change in you – not recurrence of old habits in a new package.”
“If nothing changes this New Year to your liking, just change your habit of complaining!”
“This New Year may you come up with innovative excuses for your teacher or boss when you plan to bunk your class or office.”
“As the clock strikes twelve, may you have the stamina to wish all of your innumerous Facebook Friends a Happy New Year.”
“This New Year, may you make the attempt to trim and clean your Social Media accounts.”
new year funny quotes
“I saved you from spending a fortune on a New Year’s party – I sent you an invitation for an online party!”
“May you find more time to help out the ignored and unattended people this New Year – and begin your charity at home – with your spouse.”
“This New Year may you come up with innovative passwords to puzzle people to fish out the real one!”
“This New Year, remember to chuck all the old jokes and same stories to narrate at parties!
“May you spend lesser time online this New Year and more with the real people who fill up your real world.”
new year funny quotes
“This New Year may you find innumerable ways to make health food as tasty as the junk!”
“If you are planning to turn a new leaf over this New Year, make sure the leaf is free of bugs.”
“This New Year hope you are not tempted to pile up on health food cook books and then end up heating frozen food at meal times.”
“Hope you are blessed with intelligence to differentiate between ending of one year and the beginning of the next.”
“This New Year may you have newer ideas to accommodate more time for your naps and beauty sleep even on weekdays.”
new year funny quotes
“May the New Year be like a trip inside Santa’s gift bag that is well stocked with all that you have been eyeing since Black Friday sale.”
"Wishing you 12 Months of success, 52 weeks of laughter, 365 days of fun, 8760 hours of joy, 525600 minutes of good luck and 31536000 seconds of happiness."
"Before the sun sets in this day, before the memories fade in this year, before the networks get jammed… Happy New Year!"
"Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits."
"Happy New Year. May this year be as full of success and surprise as the last year and may all your wishes come true."
new year funny quotes
"I’ve been waiting 365 days to say “happy new year” since I had so much fun saying it last year. Happy New Year, friend."
"You will be a little bit older, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. Happy New Year!"
Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst… Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning, and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.
May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall.
New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
The funniest part of a new year is making new resolutions. I am pretty sure you have one too. Let me know about your resolution, and I’ll try not to laugh as I did in the last year.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?
You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Funny New Year Wishes
Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did throughout the year. May you give me another chance to do that in the next New Year!
What’s your plan for the 31st Night? mine is to check all bookmarks I added to my browser in 2022. Happy New Year 202#!
May the New Year bring you the courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue so that I triumph even when I fall!
Let us celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we successfully wasted this year.
I would say Happy New Year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.
Let’s not spend New Year’s Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year’s Eve.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
They say pain and tears help one to be stronger, So I am wishing you more tears and pain. For you to become even stronger than last year. Happy New Year!
To a New Year full of new possibilities, even though I’m sure we’ll just do the same old stuff anyway.
I promise that this year too, I won’t let you do stupid things alone.
Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did last year. May you give me another chance to do it again in the new year!
I hope you will not spend the first day of the new year sleeping on the couch. May God give you the strength to fight laziness. Happy new year!
I worked long and hard all year, and I can now officially say that I've managed to waste 365 days successfully. Happy New Year!
No need for resolutions to get in shape this year. Round is a shape, and you're perfectly it. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I promise you, this year will be exactly the same as the last, you'll just be a little older. Cheers!
I can't believe it has been an entire year since I resolved to become a better person and then did nothing about it. Happy New Year!
I want to start this year with a clean slate, with no grudges or hard feelings. So here's your chance to apologize to me. Happy New Year!
Wishing you a new year filled with new challenges, new problems, and more pain and tears. I mean, I just want you to grow and become a stronger person. Happy New Year!
Here's to another fantastic year of making new memories, new secrets we'll take to the grave, and New Year's resolutions that we'll never keep. Happy New Year!
New Year's resolutions always fall through because people aim too high. You gotta start small, something like "I'll try my best not to eat a whole family-sized pizza by myself once a week". Happy New Year!
Here's to an amazing new year that we're starting out a little bit older, a little bit fatter, and somehow none the wiser. Happy New Year!
New Year's is great, but I never saw the point of all those New Year's resolutions. I mean, I'm already so perfect. Have a happy New Year!
A new year, and a new opportunity to repeat old mistakes in innovative new ways! Happy New Year!
My New Year’s resolution is to dream more. I guess that means I’ll need to sleep a lot.
The coming New Year is no joke. It just feels funny.
I hope the New Year is fruitful and appealing. Like bananas. I love bananas.
This year, I resolve to remember why I came into the room.
May your new year smell like a new car and never run out of gas.
Instead of saying, “Happy New Year,” couldn’t we just break it into months? You know, like, “Happy January!” I function better with smaller tasks.
This year, may your dough flow and your skin glow! Happy New Year with love and laughter!
If the New Year was an infomercial, I’d throw in another one for the price of shipping! I hope 202# delivers!
The New Year is going to be sweet like a big bite of your favorite ice cream! Just don’t let it give you a brain freeze!
Happy New Year! I don’t know about you, but my New Year’s resolution is to stop feeling guilty about not keeping last year’s resolution.
Wise, kind, gentle, generous, beautiful. But enough about me, here’s to you – Happy New Year!
Before I agree to 202#, I need to see some terms & conditions.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. Hurray! Happy New Year!
I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say I ordered this a year ago, lol.
Happy New Year from someone who is adorable, handsome, and intelligent and wants to see you smiling always.
My wish is that this year you fulfill your New Year’s resolutions, especially the ones you made at the beginning of last year. Happy New Year!
Have a carefree New Year’s Eve and a hangover-free New Year’s Day.
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